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Traffic school for scoundrels

June 16, 2007 on 5:09 pm | In family | No Comments

I got a parking ticket back in May for driving 72 mph in a 50 mph zone, on a stretch of Highway 101 called “Hospital Curve”. Nobody slows down for this section, but I got nailed. So I’ve paid my $200 fine this morning, and my $35 fee for traffic school so that my “point” of bad traffic judgment is expunged from my record. Plus a $6 convenience fee for being able to pay in my pajamas on a Saturday morning

Of course I’ve opted for an online traffic school ($20 more). Specifically the Fast Easy Happy Traffic School, which I love because it sounds like a Chinese food take-out place.

So, I’m actually in the middle of the traffic school right now, Saturday morning, while Brij and Saloni are at a playdate. This school is a cheater’s dream, I’ve discovered. After dutifully reading the laborious sections on traffic rules, you click to take the multiple-option quiz. If you get something wrong, Fast Easy Happy repeats the same question, and helpfully inserts onto the page the sections of the text that explain the traffic regulation. Yes, they insert the paragraph containing the answer immediately beneath the question you got wrong.

So I’ve natually accelerated my test-taking by skipping the laborious reading part, taking a shot at the quiz, and then correcting the answers I got wrong. (A fraction of the total, I swear. I was paying attention in High School.) Zoom!

But sometimes you can’t avoid reading the text of the rules and advice, even at Fast Easy Happy traffic school. For instance, I got stopped cold by this not-s0-happy advice:

If your vehicle plunges into deep water, but does not sink immediately, escape through a window. If the vehicle sinks beneath the surface before you can escape, the weight of the engine will force the front end down first. Do not panic, as this usually creates an air pocket in the back of the vehicle. Find this pocket and get into it quickly. Breathe in deeply. When the vehicle has settled, you should be able to escape through a window. If there are young children or anyone else in the vehicle that is unable to release their safety belts, be sure to do so before leaving the vehicle

Jeez! I don’t want to read that on a Saturday morning!